Relationship.

Have you wondered why a disagreement in your relationship can affect your daily functioning? Why can’t we separate our relationship from ourselves?

Humans are social creatures. Living in a community and feeling a sense of belonging makes us happy (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). Several studies have found that relationships can relieve us from stress (Collins & Feeney, 2000) and bring us comfort from the closeness with each other (Reis, Clark & Holmes, 2004). Moreover, the social relationship has been found to be fundamental to happiness and well-being (Argyle, 2001; Myers, 2000).

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines well-being as a state of happiness and contentment, with low levels of distress, overall good physical and mental health, and outlook, or good quality of life. In a more simplified version, it can probably be defined as a combination of feeling and being physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy.

Probably the next question is, “WHY is well-being important?”

Firstly, it gives physical health benefits. Studies have found a strong link between well-being and lower stress hormones (cortisol) and sleeping difficulties (Ryff et al., 2004), or lower incidences of cardiovascular disease (Kubzansky, 2001).

Secondly, it provides psychological benefits. Research has found that individuals with higher degrees of happiness also have a higher sense of personal achievement (Grob et al., 1999) and higher satisfaction in their relationships (Diener et al., 2002).

Lastly, it is directly linked with productivity and creativity (Pfeiffer et al., 1989), which in turn helps with work and employment-related benefits.

With all these benefits, then you probably ask, “HOW to increase well-being, especially in the relationship?”

We can use Martin Seligman’s PERMA model of happiness as a start. The five core elements of the model are:

P – Positive Emotions. Create a habit to try to view things in our relationship from a positive perspective. Finding 1 thing from your partner that you can be grateful for every day might help to create the habit. Challenge yourself!

E – Engagement. Make a meaningful connection with your partner. Be in the moment. Find the activity that can make both of you feel like time flies!

R – Relationship. Create an authentic connection. Create an environment that makes you feel safe and happy.

M – Meaning. Create shared purpose and shared meaning. Support each other’s life dreams.

A – Accomplishment. Set realistic expectations of each other. Be appreciative of your effort and your partner’s effort.

It seems like a long list! It might be not a straightforward task, but it is well worth it.
So, which one of those is on the list that you have accomplished? Which one you might need help with?

You might want to talk to a relationship professional (counselor, psychologist, or psychotherapist) for those you need help with. They might be able to give you some clarity.